When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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