3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
