That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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