dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry my hands just texted you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
