I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
