I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
