This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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