Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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