I hate all girls vehemently.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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