I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
