No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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