Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
In America we eat man semen.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
