I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have post one night stand depression
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