I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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