I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
