Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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