I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize