i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
