i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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