Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
