You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
