I didn't shave. On purpose
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
