I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
