I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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