Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
