its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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