I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
