I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
