I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
