i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
