Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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