I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
