you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
