if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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