imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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