Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
