I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
