Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
they need to just BURY HIM!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
