Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
