i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
