You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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