It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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