So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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