Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
