He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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