We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
