I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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