and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
