Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
