I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
