i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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