I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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