We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
