But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
