dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
