I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
