We're like a lot better than the average bears
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
