Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
