I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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