And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
